Hey everyone (Jules, Arlen and Steve),

It's me again, Joe, and this time it's 3:42 am. What am I still doing awake you ask? I do not know. It could be that the Olympics are on and I really want to see how Becky Scott does in the women's 10Km cross-country ski, or it could be the fact that I have a couple of midterms tomorrow and I'm just not ready for them, and here's the kicker: I have no excuse.

That's right. I am in my last semester of university and am only registered in two classes, I only really need one of them to graduate, and then... I'm done. I receive my $30,000 piece of paper that says I'm a teacher and I go and try and find work in the "real world". So you would think I would really apply myself, ace these last two classes and get the hell out, and yet, I find myself doing the complete opposite. I can't blame some sort of subconscious self-sabotage because I am very conscious of what I am doing, and I do nothing. I am passive in my own destruction.

Alright... I'm being melodramatic, I'm not going to destroy myself, but I am curious as to why, when I have pretty much nothing to do between the hours of 10am and 2:30pm on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I have not yet done any real studying for either of my midterms. I'm sure you have all already guessed the surprising answer... drumroll... I'm bloody scared.

I have become very well adjusted to the roll of student. Hell, I've been doing it for about 17 1/2 years, or roughly 79% of my whole life. And while I have been a contributing member of our wonderful society through my work at a movie theatre and as a tutor, these have always been part-time. My full time job has been for ever so long now: student. Plus, I like the university. Say whatever you want about the U of A campus, I feel at home there. Sure I might only know 1 out of every 1000 students that I see, but for me home is more than knowing the people you surround yourself with, I guess it is like a feeling. One that I'm not ready to lose. And I'm demonstrating that right now as it is 3:55 am.

Feel free to psychoanalyze, I've already drawn the obvious conclusions of fear of the unknown/unfamiliar/uncomfortable, as well as my favourite: fear of failure.

And yet... I'm reaching for the TV remote... again.

Oh Brian Williams, won't you fill my head with wonderful Olympic stories and make it all go away...

Joe